Yesterday I went to a human funeral which prompted me to finally create this page which has been darting around in my head the last 8 months. But, I didn’t want to presume that I knew what anyone else needed to navigate grief and death. After sitting and listening to this kind, caring, empathetic priest guiding this kind family, I knew it was finally the right time to create a page where we could all share things to help us navigate loss. If this page helps anyone suffering pet loss or loss of any kind then, I’m thankful.
The last 8 months I started with the basics of trying to find a way back to sleeping through the night, drinking enough water, getting some fresh air and eating healthy. I certainly did not feel like cooking so I made and bought lots of smoothies and soups and occasionally made organic vegan veggie broth to sip on weekends for nutrients (if you want me to post the recipe please let me know)! Zachy and Lovey were also going through sadness so we needed to spend time cuddling, talking, playing and finding ways to add new stimulation and happiness to the home so they could move through their grief as well. Ultimately that resulted in lots more slumber pawties and me putting in a catio so they could be in awe of the birds, squirrels, hawks, crows and sunset (and bugs) which they didn’t have much exposure to before. For me, I sought out resources and guidance to help me trudge through the path of sadness on a slow, but upward trajectory back towards “me”.
Am I there yet? No, but I’m a whole lot closer than I was this Summer.
Do I still feel pain, hurt, sadness and have tears? Yes, but I have found things to do or practice when I’m feeling down.
One new thing that looking back, helped me the most with Scooby’s sickness and death were practices that I found that helped me learn how to help Scooby towards the end of life and on his new journey to his new life. These are included below. I hope some if not all will help you too.
Words from a Priest
In the time of this family’s deepest sorrow, saying the final earthly goodbye, this grounded, kind Priest described death and loss in a way that I felt “got it” for all of us suffering loss of ANY loved one. He was deeply personal and real. He addressed REAL pain and emotions and all I could think of is how relevant this is to everyone experiencing loss and I wish they could be sitting next to me listening to him. It wasn’t really appropriate for me to whip out my iphone and video him so, after the service I went to my car and jotted down his wisdom to share with you:
- He said he purposely started the service with a passage from Revelations because it strictly states “You will be Whole Again”. Wow. Don’t we all want that for our loved ones…Healthy, strong and happy?
- They now have a CELESTIAL Body with God. I think that just beautiful to envision.
- The Deeper the Love, the More it Hurts – It’s real, our pain is deep because our loved one mattered deeply to us.
- When someone dies on earth they wake up to a new life with God – They don’t remember any of the Hardships and Pain and they don’t want You to be in Pain either.
- “Death is like seeing our loved one sailing out on a sailboat. We are all waving goodbye to our loved one on the sailboat. We see the large sails and boat and as it goes further and further away we see less of the sails as we are still waving goodbye. The sails eventually become a thin ribbon as the boat approaches the horizon then it disappears. But, on the other side of the horizon for that person, there is a whole new group of people waving hello and welcoming them to their new life”!
- Let them go to live their new life – happy and whole again.
- There are three Deaths; when the person takes their last breath, when they are put in the ground (funeral) and when they are forgotten. They don’t have to experience the third death. We can keep them alive in our hearts, minds and stories and by saying and doing things in their honor.
Read David Michie’s Buddhism For Pet Lovers
First of all, buy the book! You don’t have to be a Buddhist or even agree with everything in it to enjoy this book. I’ve loved all of Mr. Michie’s Cat books which are whimsical and heartwarming and I love his love for animals. I had signed up for his newest book, Buddhism for Pet Lovers when he announced the pre-release when Scooby was healthy and happy. I enjoyed the first half of the book which teaches and reminds us how to mindfully connect with our pets so we have the best life together. The last section, and the section which I used as my roadmap through all the tears and pain, guides us on how to help our loved ones prepare for death, saying our final goodbye and what I found particularly resonating, how to help them on their new journey after they leave us. This struck a cord with me. It was the piece I had been missing with all of my other pet deaths. I felt Scooby still needed me and according to Mr. Michie’s book, our loved ones do still need us as after they leave their earthly bodies behind. I needed to help Scooby use his angel wings to get to a pain free, cancer free, tumor free and youthful new life. I owed that to him. In the process, it helped me too.
I won’t spoil the book but some of the highlights are:
- Meditating to calm them
- Meditations and Mantras during the Bardo period after death.
- Making offerings on their behalf
- Keeping their favorite things and belongings out
- Helping your family members and other fur family during this transition.
Play Healing and Peaceful Music and Blessings During Life and After Death – YouTube to the Rescue!
You may be aware of the practice of vibrational sounds, music and binaural beats for health, relaxation, sleep, etc. They are formated by Hz which is interesting because I work in brain surgery and we listen to the brain in Hz. Coincidence? You decide. Following are some of my favorite videos. I hope you enjoy. Do you have recommendations? If so, please share the ones you love as well!
Tibetan Buddhist Pet and Animal Blessings – Om Ami Dewa Hri
Rest, Sleep, Hydrate and Feed Your Body with Healthy, Repairing Food. Repeat…
Go back to the basics. You are physically and emotionally exhausted. You’ve depleted all your body’s resources and it’s time to rest, hydrate and when you do eat, eat clean, simple foods, smoothies and soups to help you body and brain repair. You may not feel like cooking. It’s ok to splurge a little on yourself and order in – do take out or to make and live on smoothies until your energy is back. Don’t be hard on yourself. If friends and family ask if you need anything, ask them to bring you something healthy. Most of all, listen to your body and if it says to rest, eat, hydrate then make it priority. It’s also a good time to do some light stretching to ease your tight muscles. I love Yoga With Adrienne on YouTube. Scooby and the Kitties just loved hanging out on the yoga mat with Adrienne and her pup Benji showing us how to gently stretch. But for now, Adrienne’s videos on helping yourself through Grief are beautiful and a good first step.
Spend Time in Nature and Fresh Air
Nature is healing. Fresh air, birds singing, the wind gently blowing through the trees, a gentle stream or ocean waves all are calming and healing. Go alone or go with someone kind. It will help you. Have you heard of Shinrin Yoku? It’s a Japanese practice of Forest Bathing. Neuroscientists and Physicians in Japan believe the Forest and Trees have healing energy. I felt it every time Scooby and I went to the Eastern Sierras and into any Nature Preserve. We were addicted to it and it made us so happy! I couldn’t explain what I felt exactly but one day I saw and purchased the book, Forest Bathing and it describes what I feel when I visit the forest. I saw Scooby, Becky and all the other pups on vacation thrive in on their forest vacations too. Trees are healing. Go spend time in the Forest or any kind of Nature as often as you can during this difficult time. Gentle walking to view the scenery will clear your mind and ease your physical stress.
Share your Grief
Journal, Blog, Write your Loved one a Letter or Talk to Someone Empathetic
Writing Scooby’s Story and Renewing his blog, social media and creating his Dog Adventure Brand has helped me remember the beautiful times while moving through the sorrow. Write your thoughts down. Write your loved one a letter. Share their happiest pictures! Write down your favorite things about them and your times together! Share here! I created a page for us to share stories to honor our Bestest Fwiends. A page where we can all come together and support each other because we all understand. If you email me a photo I will post it so we can all share in your Loved One’s joy!
When You are Feeling A Little Better…
Try Something New That You’ve Always Wanted to Do!
You’ve gone through a ton the last several weeks, months, year. If your fur kid was sick, you’ve spent all of your spare time making sure they were happy, comfortable and knowing they were loved. We very quickly move away from our favorite things together and even solo because our fur kid couldn’t do them anymore or we couldn’t leave them. We’ve depleted our “happy” reserve to make sure our loved one felt love but we most likely didn’t have enough left for ourselves. Running on fumes – sound familiar? So, make a list of things you’ve wanted to do but just couldn’t due to the circumstances. Go to a spa? Yes! Meet New People on Meetup for Milky Way Photos? Yes! Fly or Drive to a destination that your fur kid wouldn’t have liked or wouldn’t have suited them? Yes! Sign up for a class or group that seems interesting on Facebook, Meetup or Instagram? Yes! Take that non-pet friendly vacation? Yes! Have I been doing these things? YES! At first you don’t feel like it and you may be sad but push through it. Each time gets a little easier and yes, dare I say, a little more fun. Will you bounce back and forth in your emotions? Yes! That’s normal. Just purposely find things you use to love or have always wanted to investigate and do it. A little more of “you” will be uncovered each time on your road to healthy.
Help Others to Honor your Loved One
It’s easy to get wrapped up in our own pain, sadness and exhaustion but if you think about it, there’s always someone or some place who could use your time in volunteering, cooking, transport, shopping, free pet sitting for military families, etc. Find something that interests you that is SAFE and do something for someone else in your beloved one’s honor. You are honoring your life together by helping someone in need.
Woosh! That’s All I got! I hope you found something here to help you during this difficult time in your life. These were the things I felt really helped me the most and I hope they help you too. Bottom line is if you are hurting, do some of these things to invest in yourself. It may be hard at first but each new step is a step in a healthy direction. Even if you are not currently experiencing loss, sadness or grief, these all are amazing things to incorporate into your daily, weekly and monthly routines to become a healthier happier you!
I and ALL of Scooby’s Fwiends Care About You! We understand. Our hearts rip each time each of you go through the Pain because we know. Bookmark this, email it to yourself or to a Fwiend who you know is going through something similar. Use it as a guide to navigate away from your sorrow. Do you have recommendations for things that have helped you? If so, please share in the comments so all of Scooby’s Fwiends can benefit. Tomorrow is a new Day!
Much Love,
Mom (and Scooby Angel)
